Friday, July 13, 2012

Breaking to Grow

So emotionally, I have just been on this roller coaster. Mixed emotions about coming to the end of my trip. Am I ready to go back home? No, because I don't want to stop what I am doing. But I miss family and other important people. Among all of these emotions, I have also been trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life. Like most college students.  After talking my bestest friend ever that probably knows me better than myself, I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to work really really hard in the near future. This is a new concept to me; I've learned the meaning of a hard day's work since I have been Oklahoma.

I realized through talking it all out, that I am looking for the easy way out in everything; financially, academically, but that is not what I am called to do. I know I am supposed to be a teacher. And I am still supposed to be in school. As hard as it is going to be, I know for me to better be able to serve God and spread the word of His son, I have to deny my flesh to do what I need to do for Him. No matter how hard it is and how long it takes.

It's really scary, but in some weird way, I now have peace about everything. I know that if I work to the best of my ability, all will work out for the will of God. I'm expecting hardships, and preparing myself for the challenge that is to come, with a knowledge that I have the best person on my side. GOD! Romans 8:31 says

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Not sure about your Bible but in mine, it is under "More than Conquerors." How exciting! Find freedom in knowing that no matter what you are going through or facing, that God is on your side and He loves you tons and tons! He sent His perfect Son to die for our imperfect human lives! How awesome is that? You can't tell me that knowing that does not bring a smile to your face. Remember that and cling to it, just as I am. It's not going to be easy, but at the end of it all you will see that there is a plan. A plan that is made just for you! 

I am seeing that more and more as I serve here. The other night, I worked the graveyard shift eleven to seven.  And it was totally quiet, and boring. I had no contact with the ladies that I serve and it was not the most fun thing in the world. Anyways, as I was doing the labor of the night shift, I found myself stocking paper cups, straws, and napkins. Things I learned how to properly stock by working at McDonald's for a summer, a Christmas, a Spring Break, and an Easter Break. Okay, so that is a silly example, but I was able to adequately do that because of what I was taught a long time ago. 

There is a plan for every step I take and there is a plan for every step you take. You may not see it now, but one day you will be doing something ever so simple and somehow it will just click and you'll say something like "That's why that happened" or "I get it now. Thank you God for allowing me to learn that, even if it was the hard way."  I don't really know what you will say, but that's what I said. 

Tonight while I was talking with my bestest friend ever, I had forgotten that I had given everything to God a long time ago, but for some reason was trying to take it all back and fix it myself. Basically, what I discovered is that I can't fix it without His help and a slowly but surely realized that I needed to give it all back to Him. Which is what I am doing right now as I write this post. 

I had to break down and cry to remember that God has the "whole world in His hand," just to remember that I am a part of the world that He holds. Freedom came! Praise God! And I hope you can remember that you are a part of that world too. The world that He holds in His hands, not the world you try to hold on your shoulders as it rolls down your back. 

Often we recite to the ladies Jeremiah 29:11, but I had forgotten that it applies to me too. I may not be getting physically hurt or attacked, but Satan is throwing his darts at me daily as I do my best to dodge them. Find freedom in being broken and remembering that God is still around you. 

amgfinding_freedom 

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