It's like the Blind Side

It is my last night in Oklahoma. Lots of mixed feelings right now, but mostly, I am ready to go home and see the wonderful women and men in my life there is lots of estrogen in this building!

Our awesome director made a delicious meal and made us all emotional. Then a lady who I will call Lillian gave me this story to remind myself of this life-changing summer.

"A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said 'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

The Lord let the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.

In the middle of the room was a large round table...

In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, the could not get the spoons back into their mouths.

The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactlly the same as the first one. There was a the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here, the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'

'It is simple said the Lord. It requires but one skill...they have learned to feed each other!"

As I read this story, I kinda got teary eyed. There were many times while I was serving these fantastically strong women, they ended up serving me. I have said this on the phone to the people I talk to regularly talk to (Spoiler Alert: If you have not seen the Blind Side, you need to stop reading this post) that being here is like the Blind Side.

It reminds me of the scene where Leanne is at the nice restauraunt with all of those other rich women. One of them says, "You're changing that boys life." Her response, quick and assertive is "No, he is changing mine."

That is what this summer has been for me. I am supposed to be impacting these women for Christ, and I am pretty sure I have, but they have impacted me in a way I can never say thank you enough for.

It has all been hard, but I would never trade this summer for anything in the world. I may have missed a bunch of weddings and whatnot, but I am so thankful God allowed me to come here this summer. I have met some strong women from the beginning that no how to kick some butt right; I have met some that come in frightened, fragile, and scared to death to speak. I have seen both types of women change for the better-along with myself.

I will miss these women and the staff very much; they will all have a special place in my heart. They have all helped me grow into the woman that I will be one day. But like I said, I am ready to go home.

Not really a "Find Freedom" post, but find freedom in serving others and you will see that they will somehow, probably not in the same way, serve you. Allow it to happen! It will be life changing!

-amgfinding_freedom

Breaking to Grow

So emotionally, I have just been on this roller coaster. Mixed emotions about coming to the end of my trip. Am I ready to go back home? No, because I don't want to stop what I am doing. But I miss family and other important people. Among all of these emotions, I have also been trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life. Like most college students.  After talking my bestest friend ever that probably knows me better than myself, I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to work really really hard in the near future. This is a new concept to me; I've learned the meaning of a hard day's work since I have been Oklahoma.

I realized through talking it all out, that I am looking for the easy way out in everything; financially, academically, but that is not what I am called to do. I know I am supposed to be a teacher. And I am still supposed to be in school. As hard as it is going to be, I know for me to better be able to serve God and spread the word of His son, I have to deny my flesh to do what I need to do for Him. No matter how hard it is and how long it takes.

It's really scary, but in some weird way, I now have peace about everything. I know that if I work to the best of my ability, all will work out for the will of God. I'm expecting hardships, and preparing myself for the challenge that is to come, with a knowledge that I have the best person on my side. GOD! Romans 8:31 says

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Not sure about your Bible but in mine, it is under "More than Conquerors." How exciting! Find freedom in knowing that no matter what you are going through or facing, that God is on your side and He loves you tons and tons! He sent His perfect Son to die for our imperfect human lives! How awesome is that? You can't tell me that knowing that does not bring a smile to your face. Remember that and cling to it, just as I am. It's not going to be easy, but at the end of it all you will see that there is a plan. A plan that is made just for you! 

I am seeing that more and more as I serve here. The other night, I worked the graveyard shift eleven to seven.  And it was totally quiet, and boring. I had no contact with the ladies that I serve and it was not the most fun thing in the world. Anyways, as I was doing the labor of the night shift, I found myself stocking paper cups, straws, and napkins. Things I learned how to properly stock by working at McDonald's for a summer, a Christmas, a Spring Break, and an Easter Break. Okay, so that is a silly example, but I was able to adequately do that because of what I was taught a long time ago. 

There is a plan for every step I take and there is a plan for every step you take. You may not see it now, but one day you will be doing something ever so simple and somehow it will just click and you'll say something like "That's why that happened" or "I get it now. Thank you God for allowing me to learn that, even if it was the hard way."  I don't really know what you will say, but that's what I said. 

Tonight while I was talking with my bestest friend ever, I had forgotten that I had given everything to God a long time ago, but for some reason was trying to take it all back and fix it myself. Basically, what I discovered is that I can't fix it without His help and a slowly but surely realized that I needed to give it all back to Him. Which is what I am doing right now as I write this post. 

I had to break down and cry to remember that God has the "whole world in His hand," just to remember that I am a part of the world that He holds. Freedom came! Praise God! And I hope you can remember that you are a part of that world too. The world that He holds in His hands, not the world you try to hold on your shoulders as it rolls down your back. 

Often we recite to the ladies Jeremiah 29:11, but I had forgotten that it applies to me too. I may not be getting physically hurt or attacked, but Satan is throwing his darts at me daily as I do my best to dodge them. Find freedom in being broken and remembering that God is still around you. 

amgfinding_freedom 

Lotion Moments

So I have this friend in my life! Her name is Kayla Marie. She is a totally awesome photographer and I miss her dearly. Eventually she will read this and hopefully will smile.  Kayla sent me this package and enclosed was a small tub of my favorite Bath and Body Works scent lotion. I promise there is a point to this story, just hang tight.

Along with the lotion, she told me a story. A teacher of hers in high school used lotion. Every time she did, she would say a quick prayer or just praise God in that moment. She called them her lotion moments. Now that I have heard this story, I have began doing the same.

Find freedom in doing something simple where you don't have to focus on the task at hand, but rather be able to talk to your Creator for a moment. He loves that! Sorry guys, I don't really know what you could do, but I'm sure you are creative enough to come up with something on your own.

Super short and to the point! Quick prayer request and you can go figure out how to have "lotion" moments.

• Gabby has a job interview at 9:40 tomorrow morning and would greatly appreciate prayers during and after. 
• My team and I are experiencing little bit of sickness, not too bad, but enough to bring down energy levels. 
• I am working the eleven to seven the next two nights so if you would pray for strength through the evening, that would be great. 
• My team as we embrace these next three weeks of serving Christ as we serve these women. 

amgfinding_freedom

Changement d'attitude

So I just got done preparing my Sunday school lesson for the women tomorrow! It's about Ruth and three characteristics we can learn from her. Super excited, mostly because I am talking about one of my favorite Bible characters. Now that my lesson is done, I thought I would share with you some of what has been going on in my crazy, wonderful Oklahoma life.

God has opened so many doors for me to talk with the women about Him. I absolutely love these opportunities. Sarah, I've talked about her before in my blog, is going through a lot right now with her family; she gets excited over the smallest things that God delivers her. Often she is in the chapel by herself or with somebody else just listening to Laura Story or Jeremy Camp's wife. Sometimes she listens to the Bible on CD. Other times she is just in there praying. When we aren't crazy busy at the shelter, I try to go in there for a moment or two and just talk with her. She tells me of her heartache for her family and how she is praying for them to find God just as she has. Then there are days she just tells me what she is learning in the Bible. Right now she is going through the book of Judges and I quote "Those people did not listen to God." Her desire is to be obedient and live for Christ. It's so inspiring to me!

Um...let's see. The fourth of July picnic at Tulsa Park went very well. At first, I was not looking forward to it because all I could see was hot, sunburn, and feeling disgustingly sweaty. It wasn't like that at all. Yes, it was hot, but it didn't matter. I was able to see the women in a different light. They were able to have fun with their families and enjoy time away from the shelter. I've never had more fun sitting on a thin sheet on the ground talking with people than I did that day. The fireworks were beautiful and by the end of the night, all the women and children were ready to go to sleep. One child even fell asleep during the fireworks.

The past few nights have been pretty peaceful. Last night I made Mexican rice. I was rather worried because a)it is rice b)I've never cooked rice for four much less fifty and c)did I mention I have never made rice before. At first it looked like a big mess that was not going to work out, but thankfully, it worked out and the women enjoyed it.

It's amazing how God can change a person's heart. I have been praying specifically for patience with one particular lady. She easily can get under my skin if I let her. But last night, I saw a different side of her, and I was able to understand more than what was at the surface. I and my teammate were able to tell her that she was not stupid and that God has a plan for her even though she may not be able to see it right now. It was a completely beautiful moment and I am so thankful God allowed me to be a part of it.

Don't really have a "find freedom" moment for you guys; except maybe find freedom in knowing God's changing your heart and attitude for the better if you allow Him.

Prayer Request and then you can continue on your daily lives.

• A guest's baby is in the hospital.
• My mom's cousin has been diagnosed for the second time with cancer. 
• My Sunday school lesson with the ladies tomorrow. 
• That God will continue to open doors for me and my team to share the love He has in the next 26-28 days (We all aren't leaving on the same day)

Lies and Reality

Definitely missing home right now. The list is very long as to what exactly I miss, but I don't want to waste your time with who and what I miss.

It seems like every day I have worked since this past Thursday has just been Satan sticking his tongue out at me saying "You just thought you could do this. In reality you are making things worse and really just need to go home and wipe your hands of it all." Just when I kinda sorta maybe a little started believing that, I grabbed a paper to actually write, but ended up drawing. Not an artist or anything, but I doodle frequently.  I laid my hand on the paper and there I saw my hand and my shadow bigger than my hand.

It was kinda neat because in that moment, I thought "God's hand is bigger than mine. God is over me watching my every step." After that, the shift got better in reality all of the guest were in bed and it became somewhat peaceful. 


Now that I have had some time to step back away from all the heat, craziness, crying, etc. I could not imagine myself doing anything else with my summer. Nothing else would have been God-ordained besides this. There are days when I am thankful that God does not make us relive days, and there are days that I would love to come back again.

Something as simple as a picture reminded me that I am where I need to be and that Satan is still trying to win a loosing battle.

Super short post today ladies and gentlemen, but find freedom in knowing that God is over you, guiding you. Even if you aren't listening to Him. It's pretty neat to think that this person who created all the universe, the plant system, and the multitude of sand is taking care of you too. It reminds me of Matthew 6:26. Go check it out when you have the time.

amgfinding_freedom

Potential Dreams

Today I was able to go to church with Susan, my supervisor. It is a combination of Bowmar's home church  style and Roundaway's where my heart is  size. The preacher is doing a series on Freedom what my blog is about.  He is going through the book of Exodus teaching about the Israelites and how they were struggling to leave Egypt. They knew what everyday would be like in Egypt, and going into the unknown is very scary. Often they thought of turning back because they were unsure as to what would be in their future. Today, he talked from Exodus 16 telling us that God's promise is bigger than my problem, his tag line for the whole sermon.  He said that they were always given the right amount of manna everybody needed.

I hope this makes sense, I'm no preacher and I can't say it verbatim like he can, but it was neat because he was saying that sometimes we are like the Israelites. We want to go back to the things we know and not experience complete freedom that God has for us because it requires faith and trust. Something that as Christians we are all supposed to have all the time, but some times we have more or less than others. 

As I listened to this fantastic message about freedom, I kinda felt like the message was specifically for me. Ever since I have been in Oklahoma, I have learned all about the domestic violence in the state. I know all of the statistics for this state, but not a lot about Mississippi. Yesterday, I wrote about there only being ten domestic violence shelters in Mississippi. 

I wrote about that because I feel like God is calling me to do something about that low number. I'm not exactly sure what I am supposed to do, but I know I cannot sit still and watch this continue to happen. I have kept arguing with God telling Him that I'm not the right person. A nineteen year old girl from Mississippi cannot start a shelter all on her own. She has only been out of high school for two years and hasn't completed the college education she desires.

 Then I looked at the picture my younger cousin drew me and I read the Bible verse he wrote to go along with it. 1 Timothy 4:12.It was encouraging. Yes I am nineteen. Yes I don't exactly know what I am supposed to do. But No, I cannot sit by and watch this evil continue. 


Find freedom today in what God is asking you to do. Is He asking you to quite that job you have had for years to go and be a missionary? Is He telling you not to buy that house so that you can help another person pay their rent? I don't know what He is asking or telling you, but find freedom! 


It's kinda neat to think about what I will be doing in the next ten years. (If you had asked me this question when I graduated high school, I would have said, "I'm marrying a chemical engineer. I"m going to graduate from Delta State with a bachelor's degree in Biology. I am going to go to physical therapy school in Memphis, Tennessee and I will work at St. Jude Children's Hospital. I will live in a white house with navy blue shudders with a wrap around porch and a white picket fence. Later on I would have three wonderful biological children that would thrive in their school system.) But through somewhat hard times, God revealed to me that none of that was going to happen. But I know whatever is to come, I will be free in and love most moments. 


Prayer Request and I will hush I promise!

• Candy had her healthy baby boy today! Yay :) 
• My Granny is having a pacemaker put in tomorrow. Supposed to be a routine procedure, but anything could happen. 
• My team and I get to go on a prayer drive through Oklahoma. Going to the rougher parts of town where we know prostitution is happening. 
• The staff can continue to have grace and patience with those that we are serving and serving with. 
• The team and I can continue to seek God with our futures. 

amgfinding_freedom 

Ten is Not Enough

I have been in Oklahoma for almost a month now. Training went well and I can officially play the game by myself with a little guidance.  Answering phones, passing out medicine, writing progress notes have become a wonderful part of my life and most of the time I love every moment of it.

Yesterday though, answering the phones was hard. When I answer the phone and I figure out that it is a domestic violence situation I write it down on what is known as an "Intake card" even if it turns out not to be DV, I still have to write it down.  Three times I answered the phone and three times I had to deny three women of a safe place to stay. The shelter has reached full capacity and cannot accept anybody else until somebody leaves. As I listened to their stories my heart broke. Below is just one example of the three that I heard.

One lady was not domestic violence, but needs somewhere to stay. She explained to me that she is a sick lady who lives on Social Security that has an eighteen year old daughter who just graduated high school. Because her daughter has completed college, she will lose some of her money and will not be able to afford her apartment any longer. When I told her we couldn't help her she didn't understand why I listened to her story. I explained to her that situations at the shelter change almost weekly if not daily; two beds could possibly open up if God meant for her to be here. Continuing the phone intake process, I gave her references to other shelters. As I listed them and gave her the numbers, there were a few on the list that she told me were not safe for her and her young daughter to go to. The phone call came an end after the last shelter was given and she thanked me for my time and I told her I would be praying for her.

Today was an easy day. The shelter received lots of donations and had multiple volunteers here to help cook lunch and sort through the donations we had been given. Even though it was easy, those three phone calls kept running through my head.

When I got off my seven to three shift, I began doing my own research specifically for Mississippi.  I learned that there are ten domestic violence shelters across the state and only one specified for human trafficking.

This can't remain the same. If Mississippi has half of the same amount of women calling asking for a safe place to sleep long enough so they can get back on their feet then most of these shelters are near their full capacity too.

I am unsure what to do to make the number larger, but I know it can't stay this low. It breaks my heart to think that we could help save more women if more people would rise up and say that this is not an okay thing.

This really has nothing to do with a spiritual side unless God has given me this passion  of finding freedom, but helping others find freedom in safety.

Prayer request real fast and then you can get off your computer:

• S.T.O.P (Stop Trafficking in Oklahoma through Prayer) will be having a national day of prayer for human trafficking victims on the 24th of this month. Take a moment and pray for those in Oklahoma and anywhere else in your area please. 
• Virginia, our newest guest will most likely be returning to her family on Tuesday.

amgfinding_freedom

Being Still

Hey lovely peoples, I greatly apologize for not blogging a lot lately. I've been busy running. Not physically but emotionally. A lot has happened in the past couple of days, but I haven't been dealing with it and processing it. I will come to my computer to blog, but as I write, I remember, and soon stop.  Mostly because I thought it wasn't okay to cry.

Today, all of that changed. My great supervisor Susan encouraged us I believe on Monday to not sit in the office most of our shift. She told us to walk throughout the building and pray, find a lady to talk and pray with, or just complete a task that needs to be finished. I took her challenge seriously, and have done just that. But as I did, I realized that there is a lot of hurt and blessings in this building.

I got to talk with a staff member by the name of Sheila. She told a story of a blessing that brought a big smile on my face. She has been needing two surgeries lately and has been struggling to get doctors to communicate with one another, but today her blessing came. The doctors finally got together and agreed that they could do their procedures on the same day it's cheaper for her this way.  As I listened to Sheila, I celebrated with her and thought about the many blessings that have been given to me. Only a few hours later, as I continued the challenge today, I also saw hurt.

Our newest guest, we will call her Virginia, was on the phone in the lobby just sobbing. It broke my heart! She told the staff she would come to us if she wanted to talk I had to remain in my seat and just listen to her cry. My prayer was that she would come to me so I could talk and pray with her, but the situation never presented itself. Maybe that was a blessing. 


The last moments of my seven to three shift was when my heart was truly broken. I went to sit out in the lobby again.  Sarah was out there, the same lady I went to the ER with last Saturday evening. I had prayed with her earlier in the day about her spinal discogram probably spelled that wrong, and can't explain what it is exactly.  She wants to recover quickly from it so she won't be in her room and become depressed. Sarah hates it when she is depressed; she says God has delivered her from it and doesn't want to experience it it again which is understandable.  Then she asked me how I was doing.

Fine was my answer. She then asked me how my beau and I were doing  you get asked if you have a boyfriend a lot around here and I said Great other than missing one another a bit. Then she asked me my age and I told her I was nineteen. "Your very mature for your age. I thought you were twenty-one or so." I explained that I receive that response often. Sarah proceeded to ask why and I said something along the line of "I felt like I had to grow up when I was younger." After that answer she responded by saying "I'm sorry."

This is a lady who has been trafficked, beaten, and sexually abused most of her life and she was apologizing to me because I said "I felt the need to grow up." I explained that I was fine with everything that I went through and that it made me the person I am today. Sarah kept apologizing.

We were only able to talk a little bit more before I had to go pray with the on coming members of the next shift. After we prayed I went to the staff wing and just got on my bed. Shortly after, my phone rings and there is this great guy on the other end asking me how my day was. I said "It wasn't physically draining, but emotionally I was spent. I feel like I could cry but I have no reason to." He responded "It's okay to cry." It was a short conversation, but it was very helpful.

As I sat on my bedroom floor, I began replaying the conversation I had had with Sarah. Soon after, I began crying. The one thing I had wanted to do all week but couldn't allow myself.  I was finally being still and allowing God to move in my life in a new way. Eventually the floor got uncomfortable and I climbed to my bunk and just lied in my bed with my eyes closed. Continuing to be still and praying I would go to sleep (never happened)  About half an hour later my alarm went off for me to begin to get ready for dinner with both of my supervisors. Even though I was in the shower, God was still talking to me. I felt like He was telling me everything would have been better sooner had I allowed myself to be still and process through all of my new emotional baggage.

Today, take a moment to find freedom in being still. Allow God to talk to you, because every day He wants to, even if you don't. Yes, I am serving as a summer missionary and I struggle with being still. Serving at a shelter can keep you busy all the time if you aren't careful I am resetting my boundaries so this doesn't happen again.  Be still and know that He is God and loves you all the time unconditionally.

I understand that this is a long blog I have been trying to write for days but every time, I didn't want to because I would have to relive everything that happened throughout the day  but, I have a few prayer request.

• We have reached full capacity and can no longer take Domestic Violence or Human Trafficking women and children. Pray for the ones who are seeking shelter. 
• The lady we threw the baby shower for will be having a C-Section Monday to have her son. 
• Sarah, just had another procedure and is healing. Pray that her depression will not get the best of her because she is going to be in her room a lot by herself. 
• Our Human Trafficking lady will be potentially be leaving us to go home on Tuesday. Pray for her safety as she returns home. 

I believe that is all, pray for the shelter in general if you don't mind. 

amgfinding_freedom

Healing

So all of yesterday I was off. I had no responsibilities to the shelter whatsoever. I must admit, it was kinda nice.  Then another staff member, Tracey came running down the staff hall, frantically might I add. Of course, I asked what was wrong; she was looking for another staff member to cover her shift. Why? She then informed me that a guest Sarah was shaking really bad and needed to go to the hospital, but wouldn't go alone. Understandable considering that she lives in a shelter.  I immediately go to grab my purse, phone, and keys so I can go with her.  On my one day off for the next few days, I choose to go to the hospital with a lady I hardly know.

As we are riding in the back of the ambulance to the hospital six miles away, I begin thinking about the situation. I immediately went to grab my things so I could assist in any way possible. That is not me at all! I avoid the hospital as much as possible, normally causing me to pass the baton to somebody else.

In my life, my mother has had the ambulance called multiple times and the number of times I have gone with her is ZERO! This is my mom! The lady that has loved me since I was born, and I have not once offered to go to the hospital with her.

Once we arrived to the hospital, and I and another staff were required to wait elsewhere while the medical staff took care of her, I was in complete agony. This I feel with my mother too (Just to clarify). Is she okay? What's going on? Will I get to see her soon? Tracy told me not to let her out of my sight so that brought more nervousness to the equation. As I sat, I continued to ponder about my unwillingness to help my mom.

I have had emotionally damage because of my mom's health issues, and I have known this for a bit, but was unsure how to deal with it. Last night as I continued to worry about Sarah, I gave up my hurts (I had plenty of time to deal with them because we were in the ER for a large amount of time) . I realized that because I wouldn't let go of my hurt that our relationship will not get any better. I used to blame her for all of it, but GOD revealed to me that it is me too.

Around 11:30 we were able to go back to the shelter with a good report and release. I found freedom in my own hurts and I believe that I have completely let them go now and I pray that I can make them stay away. My prayer for you today is that you can find freedom in your hurts, just as I have in a lot of mine!

Before you go, as always, I have a few prayer request:

• A human trafficking victim is being admitted to the shelter today. The staff member admitting her, is a former victim and will need strength to get through this. 
• Roundaway youth group, they are going to Centrifuge this week and will be learning a great deal. 
• I can continue to learn, accepting my mistakes and being able to move on from them. (Made quite a few this morning)

amgfinding_freedom 

Loving the Simple Things

Just this past Thursday I was given more information about Human Trafficking. I have been learning about the different forms of trafficking since January through personal research, but hearing them from another source is still worrisome. It's crazy how real Satan is with this battle! I and my wonderful teammates cannot just sit back and ignore it. To be honest, I am still processing the numbers, the new stories I heard, and the simple fact that this is happening in real life. Something I did not know is that about once a week I will see a slave in some form of bondage. May it be sex, labor, pornography....the list continues, but I'd rather not begin to think about it at this moment. I also learned that Houston is a major  port for human trafficking. For those of you who do not know, I was in Houston only three weeks ago at the airport; I wonder now how many people did I see that were some type of slave. It breaks my heart and will persist to do so until WE as a nation under God can get rid of it.

Enough of that. I like to think about happy things. The simple things.

Tonight the Summer Girls and I threw a baby shower for a lady in her early twenties that I will name Candy. Of course, me being the person that I am, I think balloons, games, table clothes, etc. Well, it being so last minute we literally planned to do it the night before there was not money in the budget for that sort of affair. Instead, we found a box of cake mix and icing and made a beautiful cake, we purchased ribbon and clothes pins to play the "Can't Say Baby Game," and shopped in the baby room of the shelter to find nice gifts.
At first I am thinking This is so plain! She is not going to like it. She won't have fun. Why didn't we do it earlier in the day? Or wait until after she had the baby to throw a shower? 
In all actuality, she loved it! Turns out, this was her very first baby shower. EVER. I feel compelled to tell you that she has a three year old daughter and has never had a baby shower. So while I thought she was going to hate it, I was proven wrong and found that sometimes simple and plain is all you need to make somebody feel special.

What I ask of you tonight, or whenever you read this blog, is to find freedom in the simple things. Enjoy the sticky notes on the mirror, the hugs you get from family and friends, and the "I love you" text messages. Sometimes, that is all a person needs to make them feel special. Give them and receive them without worrying about details. At the end of the day, you thought about them to give them thirty seconds or more of your time.

Thanks for reading, but before you stop I have a few prayer request.

• One of our staff members (a Summer Girl last year) is getting married tomorrow at 10:30 a.m.
• Taylor, our newest guest at the shelter is in need of maternity clothes that fit her. 
• Melba, a guest that I grew close to as I assisted in giving her medicine, willingly went back to her abuser Wednesday night. Pray that they can both continue down the right path for the both of them. 
• That I and my team can continue to confide in each other. 

amgfinding_freedom

No Such Thing as Perfect People...

So yesterday, I was lying in bed reading The Relief of Imperfection, trying to figure out a potential Sunday school lesson for the women at the shelter. I love how God works because the chapters I was reading, was a great reminder to myself. I AM NOT PERFECT! Yes, you read it right. I'm not nor will I ever be.  Joan, the author of the book says this "Perfection on this earth is not possible."

I've read this book twice now, and I still find myself trying to be "Little Miss Perfect." I know that I can't be. For the longest time, mostly through high school,  I thought I had to do every little thing right. I couldn't mess up, and if I ever did, nobody could know about it. I now know that it is okay to mess up, and it is okay to admit it, but sometimes I still find myself not wanting to admit the "Oops." 

I continued reading, still struggling to find something that I would like for the ladies to know. And I made it to Chapter Two: Doesn't God want Me to be Perfect? I had an "AH-HA" moment and said "Yes, but He knows I can never be perfect." As I continued my answer, I understood, yet again because I have read this book twice now that I am still trying to be perfect and that I need to stop! This is the second book that has given me conviction....the first is the Bible!  

Being a summer missionary, I have found myself wanting to conceal my mistakes in the past, but through talking with my great teammates, I have discovered, that a) you feel better once you confess like the Bible tells you to in James, b) you can connect in a stronger way and c) it can open doors for healing to arrive and for your ministry to further improve. 

I discovered what I want to teach the women only a few pages away, Joan shares in the book about God using people who are not perfect:

"Abraham lied about his relationship with wife Sarai (Genesis 12:10-20)...David committed adultery and killed to cover his tracks (2nd Samuel 11:3-7). Jacob deceived his father and played favorites with his sons (Genesis 37:2-3). Sarah shamed and ridiculed her employee Hagar (Genesis 16:6). Paul and John Mark had a public ministry split (Acts 15:36-40) Peter impetuously cut off a soldier's ear in defense of his friend Jesus and then denied even knowing Him (John 18:10,26) James and John jockeyed for higher status, disregarding the others on Jesus' team (Mark 10:35-41)

This was very encouraging to me because sometimes I don't feel worthy of the work I am able to do in Oklahoma. Sometimes, I feel like there is a better person that can do this than me, but I am here for a reason, with all of my imperfections. It is such a relief and a freedom to know that I do not have to be perfect to love Jesus! And I want these women to know that too. 

Thanks for reading! Sorry it was really long, but this is what I have been doing the past few days in Oklahoma. Realizing that it is okay that I make mistakes and realizing that others are going to make mistakes too. 

Prayer request and then you can close out the link.

• We have had several new arrivals at the shelter and that they can adjust to the rules of the shelter.
• My team and I as we all prepare Sunday school lessons
• The Sunday school teacher we are replacing for a while, Linda, that God may reveal to her what she needs to teach in the women's Sunday school class

amgfinding_freedom

Boundaries?

Another week in Oklahoma has gone by! Can't believe it is going so quickly. I have been trained even more and I think I will get to start charting this afternoon on the three to eleven shift. I finally get to be (somewhat) of a night owl!  Anyways, the craziness of the shelter keeps me on my toes and every day is a new day. Nothing will ever be routine around here and I love it! During the past week I have read policy after policy after policy and have assisted with the process of taking in new women (intake for future reference). Sadly, I have also helped with the exit of a lady I had a small connection with through poetry. I never got to read any of her poetry, but we bonded because we both like to write.

Since I have been here, my supervisor has told us to maintain boundaries. For example, on an off day, we do not have to help with preparing dinner if we do not want to. A more serious one is just following the boundaries that have already been set and put into place. At first I thought I was going to find this difficult because I am not one to continually stand my ground. Believe it or not, boundaries are easy to set and easy to stick to (as of right now).

I made a boundary early on, that on Sundays if I was not working, I would not go to church with the ladies that I serve, but find somewhere else to go. Mostly this was set so that I could have time away from them and be spiritually nourished and not feel like I was working  when I am not. Yesterday was Sunday and I did  not have to work until three, so I decided to go to church with my supervisor. Another staff member had asked if we were going to go to church with her and the ladies so she could have help. In a lovingly way, I told her no. She then got a look of disappointment that almost made me say "Okay, let me go change the church the ladies go to is rather traditional  and I will go." But, I stuck to my boundary and got to hear this awesome sermon about FREEDOM. Had I not stuck to that boundary, I would have missed out on that.

Slowly but surely I am finding that boundaries are a good thing and it is okay to say "No" to something. In Exodus, where that awesome sermon came from God set boundaries for His people. Also known as, the Ten Commandments. So if God sets boundaries and has the ability to say "No" then I should be able to as well. Finding freedom in being able to set boundaries is wonderful!

This Oklahoma life is crazy, but I know I am in God's will every single day because every day it seems He is stretching me and taking me out of my comfort zone. Pushing me out of the box I have put myself in. This process is not at all easy, but wonderful to experience. Being around these women is so encouraging. Listening to their stories and hearing how they are figuring out who God is is just amazing. I feel as if they are ministering to me just as much if not more, as I am to them

Before I go, I have a few prayer request:

• The lady that left the shelter is potentially going back to the situation that brought her to the shelter. 
• That our team remains strong and can continue to confide in one another.
• A staff member I work with is having family problems and is not sure what to do next. 
• Another staff member is having a baby soon and will be adjusting to working a new shift.
• And the ladies that are here as they are growing in Christ.

-amgfinding_freedom

Flexibility is the Word

It has been a week since I have arrived in Sand Spring to work at the domestic violence women's shelter. Since my arrival, I have mostly been in the kitchen doing odds and ends like cutting vegetables, serving the meal, and putting the food away. When I am not in the kitchen, I am in training in the many policies and procedures of the shelter.

Enough about that kind of stuff, I am ready to tell some of what I have been learning with the women that reside here and what God has been teaching me.

Okay, maybe I am not done talking about my training. As part of my training, I have been reading about the women and the backgrounds they come from. It is truly heartbreaking to read about them being abused. A lady I call Marleigh, has been a victim of human trafficking since she was a young child.Another lady, Kennedy, has children here with her and has such an upbeat personality, but I can't figure out if it is a defensive mechanism or if it is real happiness. (I was taught in training that things may not be as they seem.) Some of these women are so inspiring because they have a child-like faith and are asking a lot of questions so they can further understand who God is. Something I find interesting about these women is they rarely pray for themselves. They will either pray for the staff, their families, and/or their abuser. It is wonderful seeing them going through the process of forgiveness.

As I have been learning about the women and the policies of where I am serving, I have also been developing relationships with the other girls who are serving with me this summer. They too are inspiring. We have been learning where the other struggles in their walk with Christ and how to pray for each other. Because of our transparency, we have become a family and look forward to spending time with everybody in the living room once our duties are complete.

To continue my learning process, I have learned that flexibility is the word of a missionary. I knew this as I was going in, but never realized how important it is. Being a person who doesn't handle change well or follows a schedule for her every move, it's been a challenge to be flexible. Slowly but surely I have seen the benefits of being flexible. Flexibility has allowed me to sleep late on the evenings that I do not sleep well. Like I said, flexibility is great!

Now to go read more policies but before I do, I would like to ask for you to pray for a few things.

• A teammate from GA has a friend who just lost her mother to cancer. 
• Our team as we continue to grow closer together and figuring out how to best serve the guest. 
• And finally, the women that are here and the women that cannot find a way out from their abuse and that they one day might find freedom. 

amgfinding_freedom

Struggles

It's been a tough week in my life, not complaining, just stating a fact. Joy and I haven't had a dance in a while, and I miss it, but through my family and friends, I am being shown that joy can easily be found in this week of "crying-worthy" situations. Which of course relates back to me "Finding Freedom." Maybe this should be titled "Finding Joy" Not changing the title though.

For the first time, in a long time, I feel like God and I are on the same page. I've changed my major and have committed to ten weeks of service in Oklahoma. These things of course are not making Mr. Satan happy. Can he ever really be happy?  Him and his bag of tricks have been used heavily on me this week. Of course, it takes a man in my life to point out that what I am dealing with is nothing but Satan trying to break me away from what I am supposed to do. With the help of him, and my Daddy reminding me of this scripture

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 (ESV)

 for me to realize that what I have been dealing with this past week is nothing but Satan's tricks. 

Wrote all of that to say this: I hope that you too can realize that Satan uses struggles to get you away from the will of God. The one that has plans for you to prosper and have hope and a future! Maybe you too can find freedom and joy with that knowledge. 

amgfinding_freedom

Not About Me

Hello Blog-Readers...

So I know it has been a good little bit since I blogged, but one of my very good friends, reminded me of something that I have known for a long time, but somehow managed to forget. First, I must explain the story so you will understand my conclusion.

I have spent most of my Easter Break with Kayla Marie, and we have been hanging out, improving our Proverbs 31 skills and watching movies. It has been much needed time for us. Anyways, to fast forward the story, I am a "people- pleaser". I am so much a "people- pleaser" that I was worrying about what I should wear to church tomorrow for Easter Sunday. Through debating back and forth if the outfit I have chosen is dressy enough for Easter, she says to me "People are not going to the Sunrise Service just to see what you wear." I was touching up my toe nails by this time because my outfit includes open toe sandals,  and I was taken aback by this. I knew this but somehow I managed to forget.

People at the church in which I serve do not care about how the servant looks, just that they are serving. Why did I put so much thought into what I am going to wear? Finding Freedom in what to wear to church on a "Special Sunday" is very important because if I can't, it will effect my worship and that is the last thing I want to do on the day I get to celebrate Christ's resurrection.

Short blog tonight friends, I have to drive a lot tomorrow so bed time needs to come early, but I hope you all have a wonderful Easter filled with remembering why we celebrate. Not what you wear or the candy you have packed your eggs with or if your lilies are dying.

amgfinding_freedom





Homesickness

As many know, I go to Delta State University which is two hours away from Vicksburg. Too add to the scenario, I do not own a car. Not complaining about it or anything.  But anyways...I haven't been able to go home in quiet a while. Its been about five weeks, but who's counting? Slowly but surely I am finding freedom in it. Not saying it was easy because it isn't at all. The third week was absolutely terrible. I had a lot of fundraisers that I was in charge of that I could have gone better had I been able to concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing and not how badly I wanted to go home. And it pains me to think that I may be the reason of an unsuccessful fundraiser because of my homesickness. But there is nothing I can do about it now except learn from it. I was able to pour myself into others and my schoolwork. Wrote the best papers while homesick. Being able to do that made me feel accomplished. I felt as if I was conquering my homesickness which I thought would bind me FOREVER. Thank God...not even kidding, but thank God I am finding freedom in all of it. And this thought just puts a big smile on my face! A huge smile on my face! Getting rid of one more chain is absolutely beautiful. 

But I finally get to go home for a night. I get to see my daddy, brother, and mom on Friday morning(ish). Aren't they just the sweetest people I get to go home to for an evening? Haha...if you only knew. Anyway, I am officially on Spring Break and I am looking forward to the time I get to spend with them and the time I get to spend with friends in Arlington, TX @ Mission Arlington. A blog will soon come about how all of that went! Later bloggers

-amgfinding_freedom 

Steadfast Love

Hello there! So I have been reading through the book of Hosea. A rather interesting book and a great story of redemption. Anyways, not the point of this blog. What I did notice while reading that book though was the phrase "steadfast love." It is first mentioned in verse 1 of Chapter 4.

Hear the word of the LORD O children of Israel, for the LORD has a controversy with the inhabitants of the land. There is no faithfulness or steadfast love, and no knowledge of God in the land.

Hosea 4:1

After continuing to read, I ended up reading the whole book in a week, and I recommend it to anybody. I found "steadfast love" again. 

For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.

Hosea 6:6

A couple of days later, I find "steadfast love" yet again!

Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the LORD, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you. 

Hosea 10: 12

Last time I saw it was here. I think God is trying to convey something to me here. 

So you, by the help of your God, return, hold fast to love and justice, and wait continually for your God.

Hosea 12:6

All of these are in the book of Hosea alone, if you haven't already noticed. Today, I was reading chapter 19 of Proverbs and pretty much found a whole other verse talking about steadfast love. At first, I was confused by all of this. After all, what does steadfast mean? According to the Merriam Webster dictionary it means a : firmly fixed in place : immovable b : not subject to change. I naturally tried to find an application of all of this to my life. It didn't take long for me to find it either. I learned quickly, that my love for some people is not steadfast. And I am called in the book of John to love one another just as Christ has loved me. This convicted me. Love is not an option. For anybody. Even people that hurt me. Not saying that it is going to be an easy thing, but I am going to work on my ability to have steadfast love for everybody. Hope this maybe was able to help somebody. Maybe it gave ya a gut check as to what you are doing for the kingdom. 

-amgfinding_freedom

D-NOW

Hello reader friends! Been a while I know, but if ya knew how busy I have been the past couple of days, you would understand. And freedom has been found in those days. Lots of freedom. Haha. Moving on though.

I worked a Disciple Now D=Now this past weekend in Winona, Mississippi. My first one to ever work, and lets just say my group of 9th and 10th grade girls set the bar high if I ever work another one. I had prepared myself to have to demand these girls to go to bed and pour water on them to get up in the mornings. Totally wrong. They went to bed way before I expected them to and were typically up before I was. It was great and I learned a lot. And found a bit of freedom. I didn't learn this directly from the D-Now, but I learned it regardless.

I struggle with PRIDE!

I've known this for a couple of months now, because there is a particular guy in my life who points it out to me occasionally, in a loving way of course. But it is different when you can see it for yourself and honestly admit  that you struggle with it. And when you do, you find freedom. Or at least I did. I discovered the struggle when, I could not get the hot water to work in the bathroom that I was supposed to use. I did everything I knew to do. I turned the red knob on first. Let it run for a few moments, put my hand in to check it and it was still cold. Turned it off. Checked to make sure I turned the right knob, and I had. I then gave credit to the girls who were early risers that all the hot water was gone. I proceeded to tell my hostess about it and she graciously let me use her shower. Got up the next morning, earlier, to beat the girls to the water, and it still didn't work. I gave up, and went back to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to find I had been beaten to the shower once more by these girls. Ha. No more hot water, or so I thought. I told the hostess that I was still having problems. She quickly tells me that the knobs are mis-marked. As in, the blue knob was the hot and the red was cold. I laughed. I thought to myself, I could have showered in here had I not just asked for help. I didn't ask because of Pride! AHHHHH!!!!!! I went and did it the way she told me to and then had a perfectly warm shower. 

Another instance during the same weekend was the fact that Saturday I felt terrible. Like it was "Satan Pick on Amber Day" or something. My head hurt like never before and I was sore all over. I felt as if I swallowed a quarter and it was lying heads up in my throat. I get through the morning and lunch feeling somewhat okay. As soon as we get to the home, I was feeling 20xs worse. I told the girl I was working with, Ann Claire, that I was going to lye down for a bit. I typically try to sleep off headaches. I woke up, expecting it to be gone, but it wasn't. And to top it off, I felt I had a fever. Oh no! Not good. I am in Winona and now I am sick. Still not completely sure if I told my parents where I was this weekend and I didn't want to call them to ask them to come get me. The family I was with, had a doctor as the father. He checked me out and said my sinus cavities had just swollen. He instructed his wife to make me take ibuprofen and then drink warm tea. Warm tea by the way is not my drug of choice, but I felt better afterwards. Maybe had I asked for help earlier, I wouldn't have felt so bad. Maybe I would have been more effective with my group of girls than I was.

So I found this verse today. It's Proverbs 16:18

Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.

As soon as I read this. I said "I don't want to destruct." This means, I need to be able to admit that I need help and not feel bad for asking for it. That is just a bit of freedom I have found this week. 

-amgfinding_freedom

Awesome Chapter of Scripture

So this actually happened a couple of weeks ago, but I thought I would share with you guys. It was very very impacting to me. It is Exodus 3. I'm doing a daily devo book by Beth Moore, whom I heard at Passion, but owned the book before I went and she only has one verse for me to read a day, then she explains it. Well, I like to go find the context of the verse, to help me understand it better, and to see if people are using the verse correctly.Anywho. The verse I was given was Exodus 3:7

"I have observed the misery of My people in Egypt, and have heard them crying out because of their oppressors." 

This really and truly just made me Smile! Like the same God who heard His chosen people crying out to Him, also hears me. How neat is that! The same God who used a burning bush to talk to Moses, which is in this chapter by the way, lets me talk to Him! I get to talk to God, not only that, but He LISTENS!!! Neat right. You may not find this as fascinating as I did, but I thought it was a great and much needed reminder.

Hope you have enjoyed reading my blog, and maybe this will inspire you to seek a better relationship with Christ.

Au revoir blog world...

-amgfinding_freedom 

My Assignment :)

So I have shared with you guys that I am going to Oklahoma for the summer. Super excited and I still can't believe that I get this wonderful opportunity to serve God. Basically, this summer I will be working at a shelter for women and children. This is kinda the rough draft of my assignment right now; I will find out more as I go through orientation and whatnot in March. I might be leading a women's bible study or working for a VBS. I will assist in providing around the clock care of the residents that are there. And of course, I will be going to church on Sundays with them.

Ultimately, I get to share the love of Christ with them and help them "find freedom"from their brokenness. Which just makes me smile!! Antyways!

Pray that God prepares my heart for this summer and shows me how to be a leader while I am there. Also pray that I will not get homesick, this is my biggest fear, and I don't want it to hinder my work. Pray for the women and children that will be there, and that they will find freedom and know that there is a God out there who loves them without a shadow of doubt.

Nighty-night blog world

amgfinding_freedom

Blessed

Would like to share a total God thing that I experienced this past Friday afternoon. A way that I was blessed. Let me give the back story, then I will share the blessing. 


I have my summer mission's interview this past Friday night. My daddy came and got me that Thursday afternoon. We only have one vehicle, and that is his only day off, so it worked out. On Friday morning I had an eye Dr's. appointment with my interview to take place at six in the evening. Little did I know when my daddy came to pick me up, the truck was having transmission issues. Oh no. Not a good thing. At All.  (Maybe you see how this blessing is going to happen..but just wait). We make it home safely after a two hour trip from DSU to Vicksburg. I might add, I made it to my appointment on time and whatnot. But, I just didn't trust the truck to make it to my interview that evening. Maybe I didn't trust myself to drive the truck. Honestly, I was terrified that I would break down and have nobody to help me.  The interviews took place at Camp Garaywa, which is only about thirty minutes from my house. I sent out a mass text asking for prayer that I would make it there timely and safely. More safely than anything. Only moments after I sent it, a lady from my home church asked if she could take me. HELLO, BLESSING!! She took me to my interview. The ride gave us time to catch up on some things that I had missed over the past couple of months. After she agreed to take me, she posted a status saying, "Allow yourself to be a blessing to others."  She was a complete God send and an answer to a reluctant prayer. Through all of this, I figured out something that seems pretty big to me. Just as people need to allow themselves to be a blessing, I also must allow myself to receive the blessing. I kept going back and forth on whether or not to send out the mass text, and who to send it to. 


 So the other day, after checking my email about a million times, I found out I am going to Oklahoma for the summer, just in case you didn't read my other posts. I called people to let them know. My dad asked "When do I take you to the airport?" as if he can get rid of me that quickly. He then tells me today that I will most likely flying into Tulsa, which is apparently six miles away from where I am going. Who knows? I don't.  Anyway, I have gotten a lot of love from my Facebook family about it. Some, are slightly concerned, but nothing that I didn't expect.  I would be concerned if they weren't concerned. One of my surrogate mothers asked if she could bring me a home cooked meal. She lives in OK and I haven't seen her in FOREVER! I am totally and completely blessed by GOD to have so many people in my life that support me as I try my best to serve HIM. I certainly hope I can allow myself to be a blessing to others this summer and on my college campus. 


Thanks for reading...hope it wasn't too boring! 


amgfinding_freedom

Lots of First

So I found out that I will be going to the great state of Oklahoma this summer, as a missionary. (O.K.L.A.H.O.M.A.- heard the joke and said it myself). Antyways, as I was thinking about it after the initial shock wore off, I got to thinking about how many new things I will be doing. Let's list a few shall we!

1. Flying. For the very FIRST time.  This whole concept just scares me, but I am pretty excited.
2. Being away from HOME for a long amount of time. For those of you who know me, I get terribly homesick after not being able to go home for more than three weeks. 
3. Serving in the way God wants me to. I have always wanted to be a missionary, but I made up a lot of excuses as to why I shouldn't or why I thought I couldn't. (Later on to find out they were all just excuses and not legitimate reasons). 
4. And last but not least, leaving a fantastic SUPPORTING boyfriend at home, while I do what I feel like God has called me to do. 

I am very excited to see what God has in store for me. What will he teach me? What will I teach others about Him? How will loved ones feel about what I am doing? Will it impact them in a positive way? These are just many thoughts that have been going through my head as I wind down from the excitement of becoming a summer missionary. 

Those are just my final thoughts for the day! Hope you guys sleep well and maybe can compile a list of your own "First" that God is calling you to do. 

Nighty-night Blog World!

-amgfinding_freedom

Inspiration

So I have been wanting to start a blog for a while now. Just never knew what I wanted to write about. I didn't want it to be about myself, but one of my interest. Just this past month, I have heard a lot about "freedom." I went to Passion (a conference you will hear about multiple times throughout my blog) and "freedom" was pretty much the entire theme of the week. We learned about human trafficking and how it needs to be stopped. Not only did I learn about this, another thing that I have found myself hearing a lot about is freedom from sin. Things that bind me from doing God's will for my life; things I need to get rid of.
I said all of that to say this, my blog will kinda be about me "Finding Freedom" in different aspects of life. So it will about me in a way, but I hope I can make it interesting.

amgfinding_freedom