It's like the Blind Side

It is my last night in Oklahoma. Lots of mixed feelings right now, but mostly, I am ready to go home and see the wonderful women and men in my life there is lots of estrogen in this building!

Our awesome director made a delicious meal and made us all emotional. Then a lady who I will call Lillian gave me this story to remind myself of this life-changing summer.

"A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said 'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

The Lord let the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.

In the middle of the room was a large round table...

In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, the could not get the spoons back into their mouths.

The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactlly the same as the first one. There was a the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here, the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'

'It is simple said the Lord. It requires but one skill...they have learned to feed each other!"

As I read this story, I kinda got teary eyed. There were many times while I was serving these fantastically strong women, they ended up serving me. I have said this on the phone to the people I talk to regularly talk to (Spoiler Alert: If you have not seen the Blind Side, you need to stop reading this post) that being here is like the Blind Side.

It reminds me of the scene where Leanne is at the nice restauraunt with all of those other rich women. One of them says, "You're changing that boys life." Her response, quick and assertive is "No, he is changing mine."

That is what this summer has been for me. I am supposed to be impacting these women for Christ, and I am pretty sure I have, but they have impacted me in a way I can never say thank you enough for.

It has all been hard, but I would never trade this summer for anything in the world. I may have missed a bunch of weddings and whatnot, but I am so thankful God allowed me to come here this summer. I have met some strong women from the beginning that no how to kick some butt right; I have met some that come in frightened, fragile, and scared to death to speak. I have seen both types of women change for the better-along with myself.

I will miss these women and the staff very much; they will all have a special place in my heart. They have all helped me grow into the woman that I will be one day. But like I said, I am ready to go home.

Not really a "Find Freedom" post, but find freedom in serving others and you will see that they will somehow, probably not in the same way, serve you. Allow it to happen! It will be life changing!

-amgfinding_freedom

Breaking to Grow

So emotionally, I have just been on this roller coaster. Mixed emotions about coming to the end of my trip. Am I ready to go back home? No, because I don't want to stop what I am doing. But I miss family and other important people. Among all of these emotions, I have also been trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life. Like most college students.  After talking my bestest friend ever that probably knows me better than myself, I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to work really really hard in the near future. This is a new concept to me; I've learned the meaning of a hard day's work since I have been Oklahoma.

I realized through talking it all out, that I am looking for the easy way out in everything; financially, academically, but that is not what I am called to do. I know I am supposed to be a teacher. And I am still supposed to be in school. As hard as it is going to be, I know for me to better be able to serve God and spread the word of His son, I have to deny my flesh to do what I need to do for Him. No matter how hard it is and how long it takes.

It's really scary, but in some weird way, I now have peace about everything. I know that if I work to the best of my ability, all will work out for the will of God. I'm expecting hardships, and preparing myself for the challenge that is to come, with a knowledge that I have the best person on my side. GOD! Romans 8:31 says

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Not sure about your Bible but in mine, it is under "More than Conquerors." How exciting! Find freedom in knowing that no matter what you are going through or facing, that God is on your side and He loves you tons and tons! He sent His perfect Son to die for our imperfect human lives! How awesome is that? You can't tell me that knowing that does not bring a smile to your face. Remember that and cling to it, just as I am. It's not going to be easy, but at the end of it all you will see that there is a plan. A plan that is made just for you! 

I am seeing that more and more as I serve here. The other night, I worked the graveyard shift eleven to seven.  And it was totally quiet, and boring. I had no contact with the ladies that I serve and it was not the most fun thing in the world. Anyways, as I was doing the labor of the night shift, I found myself stocking paper cups, straws, and napkins. Things I learned how to properly stock by working at McDonald's for a summer, a Christmas, a Spring Break, and an Easter Break. Okay, so that is a silly example, but I was able to adequately do that because of what I was taught a long time ago. 

There is a plan for every step I take and there is a plan for every step you take. You may not see it now, but one day you will be doing something ever so simple and somehow it will just click and you'll say something like "That's why that happened" or "I get it now. Thank you God for allowing me to learn that, even if it was the hard way."  I don't really know what you will say, but that's what I said. 

Tonight while I was talking with my bestest friend ever, I had forgotten that I had given everything to God a long time ago, but for some reason was trying to take it all back and fix it myself. Basically, what I discovered is that I can't fix it without His help and a slowly but surely realized that I needed to give it all back to Him. Which is what I am doing right now as I write this post. 

I had to break down and cry to remember that God has the "whole world in His hand," just to remember that I am a part of the world that He holds. Freedom came! Praise God! And I hope you can remember that you are a part of that world too. The world that He holds in His hands, not the world you try to hold on your shoulders as it rolls down your back. 

Often we recite to the ladies Jeremiah 29:11, but I had forgotten that it applies to me too. I may not be getting physically hurt or attacked, but Satan is throwing his darts at me daily as I do my best to dodge them. Find freedom in being broken and remembering that God is still around you. 

amgfinding_freedom 

Lotion Moments

So I have this friend in my life! Her name is Kayla Marie. She is a totally awesome photographer and I miss her dearly. Eventually she will read this and hopefully will smile.  Kayla sent me this package and enclosed was a small tub of my favorite Bath and Body Works scent lotion. I promise there is a point to this story, just hang tight.

Along with the lotion, she told me a story. A teacher of hers in high school used lotion. Every time she did, she would say a quick prayer or just praise God in that moment. She called them her lotion moments. Now that I have heard this story, I have began doing the same.

Find freedom in doing something simple where you don't have to focus on the task at hand, but rather be able to talk to your Creator for a moment. He loves that! Sorry guys, I don't really know what you could do, but I'm sure you are creative enough to come up with something on your own.

Super short and to the point! Quick prayer request and you can go figure out how to have "lotion" moments.

• Gabby has a job interview at 9:40 tomorrow morning and would greatly appreciate prayers during and after. 
• My team and I are experiencing little bit of sickness, not too bad, but enough to bring down energy levels. 
• I am working the eleven to seven the next two nights so if you would pray for strength through the evening, that would be great. 
• My team as we embrace these next three weeks of serving Christ as we serve these women. 

amgfinding_freedom

Changement d'attitude

So I just got done preparing my Sunday school lesson for the women tomorrow! It's about Ruth and three characteristics we can learn from her. Super excited, mostly because I am talking about one of my favorite Bible characters. Now that my lesson is done, I thought I would share with you some of what has been going on in my crazy, wonderful Oklahoma life.

God has opened so many doors for me to talk with the women about Him. I absolutely love these opportunities. Sarah, I've talked about her before in my blog, is going through a lot right now with her family; she gets excited over the smallest things that God delivers her. Often she is in the chapel by herself or with somebody else just listening to Laura Story or Jeremy Camp's wife. Sometimes she listens to the Bible on CD. Other times she is just in there praying. When we aren't crazy busy at the shelter, I try to go in there for a moment or two and just talk with her. She tells me of her heartache for her family and how she is praying for them to find God just as she has. Then there are days she just tells me what she is learning in the Bible. Right now she is going through the book of Judges and I quote "Those people did not listen to God." Her desire is to be obedient and live for Christ. It's so inspiring to me!

Um...let's see. The fourth of July picnic at Tulsa Park went very well. At first, I was not looking forward to it because all I could see was hot, sunburn, and feeling disgustingly sweaty. It wasn't like that at all. Yes, it was hot, but it didn't matter. I was able to see the women in a different light. They were able to have fun with their families and enjoy time away from the shelter. I've never had more fun sitting on a thin sheet on the ground talking with people than I did that day. The fireworks were beautiful and by the end of the night, all the women and children were ready to go to sleep. One child even fell asleep during the fireworks.

The past few nights have been pretty peaceful. Last night I made Mexican rice. I was rather worried because a)it is rice b)I've never cooked rice for four much less fifty and c)did I mention I have never made rice before. At first it looked like a big mess that was not going to work out, but thankfully, it worked out and the women enjoyed it.

It's amazing how God can change a person's heart. I have been praying specifically for patience with one particular lady. She easily can get under my skin if I let her. But last night, I saw a different side of her, and I was able to understand more than what was at the surface. I and my teammate were able to tell her that she was not stupid and that God has a plan for her even though she may not be able to see it right now. It was a completely beautiful moment and I am so thankful God allowed me to be a part of it.

Don't really have a "find freedom" moment for you guys; except maybe find freedom in knowing God's changing your heart and attitude for the better if you allow Him.

Prayer Request and then you can continue on your daily lives.

• A guest's baby is in the hospital.
• My mom's cousin has been diagnosed for the second time with cancer. 
• My Sunday school lesson with the ladies tomorrow. 
• That God will continue to open doors for me and my team to share the love He has in the next 26-28 days (We all aren't leaving on the same day)

Lies and Reality

Definitely missing home right now. The list is very long as to what exactly I miss, but I don't want to waste your time with who and what I miss.

It seems like every day I have worked since this past Thursday has just been Satan sticking his tongue out at me saying "You just thought you could do this. In reality you are making things worse and really just need to go home and wipe your hands of it all." Just when I kinda sorta maybe a little started believing that, I grabbed a paper to actually write, but ended up drawing. Not an artist or anything, but I doodle frequently.  I laid my hand on the paper and there I saw my hand and my shadow bigger than my hand.

It was kinda neat because in that moment, I thought "God's hand is bigger than mine. God is over me watching my every step." After that, the shift got better in reality all of the guest were in bed and it became somewhat peaceful. 


Now that I have had some time to step back away from all the heat, craziness, crying, etc. I could not imagine myself doing anything else with my summer. Nothing else would have been God-ordained besides this. There are days when I am thankful that God does not make us relive days, and there are days that I would love to come back again.

Something as simple as a picture reminded me that I am where I need to be and that Satan is still trying to win a loosing battle.

Super short post today ladies and gentlemen, but find freedom in knowing that God is over you, guiding you. Even if you aren't listening to Him. It's pretty neat to think that this person who created all the universe, the plant system, and the multitude of sand is taking care of you too. It reminds me of Matthew 6:26. Go check it out when you have the time.

amgfinding_freedom

Potential Dreams

Today I was able to go to church with Susan, my supervisor. It is a combination of Bowmar's home church  style and Roundaway's where my heart is  size. The preacher is doing a series on Freedom what my blog is about.  He is going through the book of Exodus teaching about the Israelites and how they were struggling to leave Egypt. They knew what everyday would be like in Egypt, and going into the unknown is very scary. Often they thought of turning back because they were unsure as to what would be in their future. Today, he talked from Exodus 16 telling us that God's promise is bigger than my problem, his tag line for the whole sermon.  He said that they were always given the right amount of manna everybody needed.

I hope this makes sense, I'm no preacher and I can't say it verbatim like he can, but it was neat because he was saying that sometimes we are like the Israelites. We want to go back to the things we know and not experience complete freedom that God has for us because it requires faith and trust. Something that as Christians we are all supposed to have all the time, but some times we have more or less than others. 

As I listened to this fantastic message about freedom, I kinda felt like the message was specifically for me. Ever since I have been in Oklahoma, I have learned all about the domestic violence in the state. I know all of the statistics for this state, but not a lot about Mississippi. Yesterday, I wrote about there only being ten domestic violence shelters in Mississippi. 

I wrote about that because I feel like God is calling me to do something about that low number. I'm not exactly sure what I am supposed to do, but I know I cannot sit still and watch this continue to happen. I have kept arguing with God telling Him that I'm not the right person. A nineteen year old girl from Mississippi cannot start a shelter all on her own. She has only been out of high school for two years and hasn't completed the college education she desires.

 Then I looked at the picture my younger cousin drew me and I read the Bible verse he wrote to go along with it. 1 Timothy 4:12.It was encouraging. Yes I am nineteen. Yes I don't exactly know what I am supposed to do. But No, I cannot sit by and watch this evil continue. 


Find freedom today in what God is asking you to do. Is He asking you to quite that job you have had for years to go and be a missionary? Is He telling you not to buy that house so that you can help another person pay their rent? I don't know what He is asking or telling you, but find freedom! 


It's kinda neat to think about what I will be doing in the next ten years. (If you had asked me this question when I graduated high school, I would have said, "I'm marrying a chemical engineer. I"m going to graduate from Delta State with a bachelor's degree in Biology. I am going to go to physical therapy school in Memphis, Tennessee and I will work at St. Jude Children's Hospital. I will live in a white house with navy blue shudders with a wrap around porch and a white picket fence. Later on I would have three wonderful biological children that would thrive in their school system.) But through somewhat hard times, God revealed to me that none of that was going to happen. But I know whatever is to come, I will be free in and love most moments. 


Prayer Request and I will hush I promise!

• Candy had her healthy baby boy today! Yay :) 
• My Granny is having a pacemaker put in tomorrow. Supposed to be a routine procedure, but anything could happen. 
• My team and I get to go on a prayer drive through Oklahoma. Going to the rougher parts of town where we know prostitution is happening. 
• The staff can continue to have grace and patience with those that we are serving and serving with. 
• The team and I can continue to seek God with our futures. 

amgfinding_freedom 

Ten is Not Enough

I have been in Oklahoma for almost a month now. Training went well and I can officially play the game by myself with a little guidance.  Answering phones, passing out medicine, writing progress notes have become a wonderful part of my life and most of the time I love every moment of it.

Yesterday though, answering the phones was hard. When I answer the phone and I figure out that it is a domestic violence situation I write it down on what is known as an "Intake card" even if it turns out not to be DV, I still have to write it down.  Three times I answered the phone and three times I had to deny three women of a safe place to stay. The shelter has reached full capacity and cannot accept anybody else until somebody leaves. As I listened to their stories my heart broke. Below is just one example of the three that I heard.

One lady was not domestic violence, but needs somewhere to stay. She explained to me that she is a sick lady who lives on Social Security that has an eighteen year old daughter who just graduated high school. Because her daughter has completed college, she will lose some of her money and will not be able to afford her apartment any longer. When I told her we couldn't help her she didn't understand why I listened to her story. I explained to her that situations at the shelter change almost weekly if not daily; two beds could possibly open up if God meant for her to be here. Continuing the phone intake process, I gave her references to other shelters. As I listed them and gave her the numbers, there were a few on the list that she told me were not safe for her and her young daughter to go to. The phone call came an end after the last shelter was given and she thanked me for my time and I told her I would be praying for her.

Today was an easy day. The shelter received lots of donations and had multiple volunteers here to help cook lunch and sort through the donations we had been given. Even though it was easy, those three phone calls kept running through my head.

When I got off my seven to three shift, I began doing my own research specifically for Mississippi.  I learned that there are ten domestic violence shelters across the state and only one specified for human trafficking.

This can't remain the same. If Mississippi has half of the same amount of women calling asking for a safe place to sleep long enough so they can get back on their feet then most of these shelters are near their full capacity too.

I am unsure what to do to make the number larger, but I know it can't stay this low. It breaks my heart to think that we could help save more women if more people would rise up and say that this is not an okay thing.

This really has nothing to do with a spiritual side unless God has given me this passion  of finding freedom, but helping others find freedom in safety.

Prayer request real fast and then you can get off your computer:

• S.T.O.P (Stop Trafficking in Oklahoma through Prayer) will be having a national day of prayer for human trafficking victims on the 24th of this month. Take a moment and pray for those in Oklahoma and anywhere else in your area please. 
• Virginia, our newest guest will most likely be returning to her family on Tuesday.

amgfinding_freedom