Being Still

Hey lovely peoples, I greatly apologize for not blogging a lot lately. I've been busy running. Not physically but emotionally. A lot has happened in the past couple of days, but I haven't been dealing with it and processing it. I will come to my computer to blog, but as I write, I remember, and soon stop.  Mostly because I thought it wasn't okay to cry.

Today, all of that changed. My great supervisor Susan encouraged us I believe on Monday to not sit in the office most of our shift. She told us to walk throughout the building and pray, find a lady to talk and pray with, or just complete a task that needs to be finished. I took her challenge seriously, and have done just that. But as I did, I realized that there is a lot of hurt and blessings in this building.

I got to talk with a staff member by the name of Sheila. She told a story of a blessing that brought a big smile on my face. She has been needing two surgeries lately and has been struggling to get doctors to communicate with one another, but today her blessing came. The doctors finally got together and agreed that they could do their procedures on the same day it's cheaper for her this way.  As I listened to Sheila, I celebrated with her and thought about the many blessings that have been given to me. Only a few hours later, as I continued the challenge today, I also saw hurt.

Our newest guest, we will call her Virginia, was on the phone in the lobby just sobbing. It broke my heart! She told the staff she would come to us if she wanted to talk I had to remain in my seat and just listen to her cry. My prayer was that she would come to me so I could talk and pray with her, but the situation never presented itself. Maybe that was a blessing. 


The last moments of my seven to three shift was when my heart was truly broken. I went to sit out in the lobby again.  Sarah was out there, the same lady I went to the ER with last Saturday evening. I had prayed with her earlier in the day about her spinal discogram probably spelled that wrong, and can't explain what it is exactly.  She wants to recover quickly from it so she won't be in her room and become depressed. Sarah hates it when she is depressed; she says God has delivered her from it and doesn't want to experience it it again which is understandable.  Then she asked me how I was doing.

Fine was my answer. She then asked me how my beau and I were doing  you get asked if you have a boyfriend a lot around here and I said Great other than missing one another a bit. Then she asked me my age and I told her I was nineteen. "Your very mature for your age. I thought you were twenty-one or so." I explained that I receive that response often. Sarah proceeded to ask why and I said something along the line of "I felt like I had to grow up when I was younger." After that answer she responded by saying "I'm sorry."

This is a lady who has been trafficked, beaten, and sexually abused most of her life and she was apologizing to me because I said "I felt the need to grow up." I explained that I was fine with everything that I went through and that it made me the person I am today. Sarah kept apologizing.

We were only able to talk a little bit more before I had to go pray with the on coming members of the next shift. After we prayed I went to the staff wing and just got on my bed. Shortly after, my phone rings and there is this great guy on the other end asking me how my day was. I said "It wasn't physically draining, but emotionally I was spent. I feel like I could cry but I have no reason to." He responded "It's okay to cry." It was a short conversation, but it was very helpful.

As I sat on my bedroom floor, I began replaying the conversation I had had with Sarah. Soon after, I began crying. The one thing I had wanted to do all week but couldn't allow myself.  I was finally being still and allowing God to move in my life in a new way. Eventually the floor got uncomfortable and I climbed to my bunk and just lied in my bed with my eyes closed. Continuing to be still and praying I would go to sleep (never happened)  About half an hour later my alarm went off for me to begin to get ready for dinner with both of my supervisors. Even though I was in the shower, God was still talking to me. I felt like He was telling me everything would have been better sooner had I allowed myself to be still and process through all of my new emotional baggage.

Today, take a moment to find freedom in being still. Allow God to talk to you, because every day He wants to, even if you don't. Yes, I am serving as a summer missionary and I struggle with being still. Serving at a shelter can keep you busy all the time if you aren't careful I am resetting my boundaries so this doesn't happen again.  Be still and know that He is God and loves you all the time unconditionally.

I understand that this is a long blog I have been trying to write for days but every time, I didn't want to because I would have to relive everything that happened throughout the day  but, I have a few prayer request.

• We have reached full capacity and can no longer take Domestic Violence or Human Trafficking women and children. Pray for the ones who are seeking shelter. 
• The lady we threw the baby shower for will be having a C-Section Monday to have her son. 
• Sarah, just had another procedure and is healing. Pray that her depression will not get the best of her because she is going to be in her room a lot by herself. 
• Our Human Trafficking lady will be potentially be leaving us to go home on Tuesday. Pray for her safety as she returns home. 

I believe that is all, pray for the shelter in general if you don't mind. 

amgfinding_freedom